Get Happy: How to Choose the Top 5 People Who Surround You


Who are the top five people you are closest to? And how happy are they? Chances are that you are only as happy as they are. When I first heard this, I thought to myself, “surely not! I’m in control of my own happiness aren’t I?” Well, yes and no. You do have the decision to be happy, that is something I’m always sharing on Instagram or Facebook. But when the people closest to you aren’t happy chappy, it just makes things a little harder for you to choose happiness all the time. You are influenced by these people after all. 

At the start of high school, I was surrounded by a group of people who judged often. They thrived off judging and would bond over talking about others and their choices. If someone wore something “out there,” people would begin to comment on it and project their thoughts onto others. The truth really is just that they were just avoiding emotional discomfort within themselves and putting others down to feel a sense of control and superiority. I remember when I walked into a gathering one day wearing red tights, after my mum had told me how lovely I looked before leaving (my mum has always loved bright colours). My feelings of feeling amazing from wearing something which expressed myself at the time slowly dwindled to shame and feeling like an outsider once I took note of people giving me weird looks and leaving passive comments like “those are interesting tights.” The most hurtful thing was that this group was meant to be a welcoming group, who accepted all others. There was always lectures of the right values people should have, but it turned out that most of them didn’t really walk their talk. 

And so as I grew into myself and started going to uni and meeting new people, my friendship groups changed. I was able to pick who I got to hang out with and started to see my own happiness shift. When I hung out with people who loved to talk about others and have bitching sessions, I realised that I felt a sense of negativity and stickiness keeping me contracted and unhappy. When I spoke to people who had dreams, visions, interests that were the same as mine and who always sought to grow personally, I felt expansive and joyful.

So from my experiences, what I’m trying to say is listen to this statement. 

You are only as happy as the people who surround you.

How to find your top 5

1) Sketch out your top 5

Firstly you have to think about who your current top 5 people are. Some of them might be your good friends, people you look up to or family members. Now that I’ve brought up family members, some of you might be realising how negative your family members are and worrying and guilt tripping yourself for not choosing any of them in your top 5. Here’s a quick message to get you back calm and collected:

Your family members don’t need to be your top 5 who surround you. You don’t choose your family and your family didn’t choose you either! Your top five can be your very own curated choice of people, and they don’t need to be people who know you either. Feeling more comfortable in this now?

So name a few people who you have a feeling are in your top 5. Just write out 7 or 8 to be safe and you can always lean onto your intuition to see who really resonate with you the most after.

2) You don’t need to know them personally

The good thing is that you don’t need to actually know these people in person. Whilst it helps a tonne when you do know them, they can also come in the form of mentors and role models. When I heard this, I was like WOW you mean I could choose Emma Watson or Hilary Duff to be in my top 5?

Although both of these girls are absolutely stunning, you need to be able to find content from them in order to be best positively influenced. If instagram photos and captions are good enough for you, then awesome! But for the most part I find authors or public figures are the best to choose as you are able to immerse yourself in their books and teachings. 

I personally have two of my top 5 who are authors, being Gabby Bernstein and Dr John Demartini. I respect both of these people immensely and learn so much from what they teach. I’m always looking to practise more of what they share and share it some more from my own take with the world. 

3) Don’t feel bad about choosing certain friends

You might a guilty conscious as you imagine them peering over your shoulder as you’re writing or crossing out names of your friends in your notebook. But don’t worry! This list isn’t for sharing, it’s purely for you to check in on who you’re spending time with the most and whose values you are letting mix with yours. 

4) Check with your gut

Once you have chosen a draft group of your top 5, close your eyes and think about the group as a whole. Think about whether you’re happy with this group and if it’s well rounded. If it seems a little one sided or doesn’t fit right with your gut, feel free to go back to any of the names you crossed out in the process. If you want more motivation, maybe look to some role models or public figures you look up to or want to be like.

5) Your values are protected

When you’re happy with your top 5 people, you can sit back and rest and feel like you’ve gained some control on who you let affect your happiness levels. You now have a beautiful mix of like-minded people (or people you aspire to be like) and can chill out because anyone other than these 5 will still be lovely to be around (or not so lovely) and feel collected by using these techniques here if you’re an empath on how to keep your energy and joy protected

I hope this blog today brightens up your day or inspires you to get thinking about the people you surround yourself with! If you do these steps and find it helps, let me know by sending me a message on Instagram @Kimberleywenya.

Also, for lovers of spirituality and tuning into your inner self, I’m going to be creating a new resource in the bochic library which is a guide to angel numbers and knowing how to tap into guidance from the numbers you might be randomly seeing during the day! It will be out this Wednesday, so if you haven’t already, get the password to the library by signing up below, and you’ll get an email when it’s out.


Have a beautiful day!

Big love,

Kimberley x