Love is the New Revenge

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Most of us reading this are female, (and if you’re male, you are so welcome here too) and although, when we all come together, we have a strong feminine power that is beyond describing with words, when we butt heads there is an equally as strong discord and misalignment that occurs.

In my past I’ve had my fair share of disagreements with other girls and it’s allowed my ego to build an artillery filled with all sorts of tricks in its bag. The ego I’m talking about is the one with negative self talk which, much like everyone else’s, digs up fearful thoughts from the past, creates fearful thought in the present and projects it onto the future. 

Relationships are our assignments. 

In high school, maybe you had a fight with a girlfriend and that relationship never patched up. Accepting that relationship as an assignment lets you get past the hurt that both of you went through and lets you move on.

My usual innate reaction has always been to be defenceless, because when you do no wrong there is nothing that can be held against you. It turns out a powerful quote also supports this as “in my defencelessness, my safety lies.” 

You may feel reluctant about being defenceless from being scared of seeming like you’re a pushover. Or you may be afraid that it allows the other person to feel like they have “won”. But the true question is, would you rather be happy or right? Choosing to be defenceless means you choose to be happy. Being right means there is the possibility to push too far and end up carrying resentment. 

Of course, there is a difference when someone steps over the line and you have the opportunity to speak up rationally, but before that occurs, defencelessness is the way to go. 

I don't give name to those who have caused disruptions in my past because, frankly, that no longer matters and all that’s left is a wiser gal who has learned from her assignments (i.e people/relationships).

When people rub you up the wrong way whether it be a sister, a friend or family member, we must remember that we all each have our own fearful perceptions we are constantly keeping at bay. 

Ways where people (including ourselves) have fearful perceptions are the following:

Putting others down in an effort to make themselves feel better. 

This may come off as an uninvited comment that is spoken with negative vibes. When you notice this, simply extend love to them because this would only happen if they felt a separation from their true self (which is love). What this really means is that they are calling for help, calling for love. This act in itself is a call for help for love. 

Attack.

They may attack others in an effort to put the negative emotion they are feeling outside of themselves. I’m sure all of us are familiar with being verbally or emotionally attacked. Know not to take this personally and that this is only a reflection of themselves they are projecting onto you.

Denial.

When people are in denial that they are at fault, they are believing the false ideas of their ego. (The ego being the part of themselves which perpetually seeks to create fearful thought). Their ego is camouflaging its fearful thoughts as “self-love” and “self-protection” when really, they’ve been listening to it for too long they don’t know the difference between ego-talk and inner wise gal talk. This person has listened to their ego so much that they begin to feel guilt and do not want to face the fact that they have turned their back on love. They don’t accept that they’re in the wrong or have done wrongly.

Sorry to break it to you, but you’re not the only one having fearful thoughts! 

If you start to watch your thoughts from the outside, you start to realise that you're constantly rationalising and balancing out the bad and the good, the fearful and the loving. When we realise we aren’t special and that everyone experiences fearful thoughts, we allow ourselves to release the need to be right and set each other free from a mental haze of judgement and “I’m right, you’re wrong”. 

Love, not revenge.

Remember that we are not trying to get revenge. Behind revenge is the intent to hurt and injure, to weaken the other and break them down. But, you receive what you put out into the world, so if you hurt another, you’re bound to hurt yourself in return. The only way to settle things peacefully is to act with love. 

Even if a person hurts you once, twice, three times, or multiple times over the years. Always respond with love. Because in the long run, they will have to accept that you will not retaliate and their fearful attacks will begin to boomerang back and wear themselves down. 

So how do you react?

Stay connected to your inner self. Being the reader of this post, I can confidently say that you’ve been on both sides of the conflict at hand. 

If you’re new to these sort of concepts, you might be overwhelmed from reading this post already. Begin to cultivate a relationship with yourself (and when I say yourself, it can mean your inner self, inner guide, or inner wise gal as I call it in my program, Habits for Wellness). You can do this through meditation, or writing a stream of consciousness until you realise you’re connecting to that inner wise gal.

  • Ask your inner wise gal to intervene and make the decision to choose love. 

I write this because I want to see girls be nicer to each other. Not to have a corny Mean Girls moment, but I have seen girls come together and be absolutely powerful and amazing, and I have seen girls tear each other apart. It’s disappointing to see girls stoop down to a low vibe level, attacking and judging others. 

We should each do our own part to have kindness and realise when people are extending nothing but love to us. Lashing out and hurting others does nothing but hurt yourself. 

I’m not writing this saying that I am perfect because I, too, am learning. I write this, however, from the lessons I’ve learned and the peace I feel from being defenceless. I don’t even write accounts about the girls who have crossed me because I see them with new eyes now and only my ego would have the intent to bring up past memories. I have wished nothing but the best for them, even if they have done wrong in the past. 

So, watch your words, and your vibes, and bring more kind to the world. Ditch revenge, the world has enough fear as it is, let’s overcome it with love instead. 

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Big love,

Kimberley x